por Caro López-Martínez
This story contains topics related to addiction, substance use, and mental health. Please take care of yourself–read at your own pace and step away if needed. If you or someone you know needs support, consider reaching out to a mental health professional or resources such as:
- NAMI: a national mental health nonprofit with free educational resources, support groups (online and in person), and crisis resources.
- SMART Recovery: an addiction evidence-based charitable organization with support groups (online and in person) and tons of resources, which can all be found on their website, including worksheets.
- SAMHSA, Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration.
My love story with the outdoors began in the early 1990s. From running wildly through fields of uncut grass, jumping over wood chips from my playground swing, or even racing across concrete sidewalks with my bicycle, I existed freely in the Chicagoland outdoors. At the same time, there was an omnipresent danger that existed within my urban landscapes, frequently leading me to feel intense fear, suffocation, and dread. The social and vehicle congestion, along with the noise, air, and land pollution, are all innate to a metropolis like Chicago. These rough primary traits became external stressors that would eventually contribute to my post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), panic attacks, and anxiety. Unaware of the future, I marched forward with childhood resilience and a blissful unawareness of later consequence.

In my early 20s, I decided to escape the harms of big city life and take the “geographical cure” to Sacramento, California. Sacramento is proudly known as the “City of Trees,” offering wide green spaces and slow winding roads. The area offered a spiritual peace and external connection that I had long forgotten about through the years of urban oversensitization. I was also able to obtain state medical insurance to finally receive a mental health diagnosis and accompanying treatment options. Unfortunately, I was already within the strong grasp of addiction that had previously formed in Chicago. My addiction was meant to drown only stressors, but instead, it drowned every bit of reality. Fortunately, I was able to find enjoyable employment at a local wild bird feeding store. Through this position, I learned about different ways of connecting with the natural world, including birding and hiking. Engaging in nature-based activities began to take up most of my free time, instilling health in my body, mind, and spirit.

Throughout my mid-to-late 20s, I moved across different states due to financial struggle. At the same time, my addiction and mental illness worsened, eventually leading to a week-long hospitalization. Around age 30, I had finally become fed up with my unsustainable lifestyle and decided to search for more intensive treatment options. Through an addiction sponsor’s recommendation, I enrolled in a joint rehab and intensive outpatient program (IOP) outside of Chicago. Through this program, I learned that my time in natural spaces was a core and essential part of my overall recovery. With this newfound knowledge, I reshifted my primary focus to sobriety and mental health management, building my strength for spending more quality time in the natural outdoors. I began to explore the green spaces just outside the metropolitan area, including prairies, woodlands, wetlands, and populations of buffalo and elk. I also learned to tune into the ubiquitous natural beauty just outside my window, including symphonies of songbirds, rainbow sunrises, and the smell of Earth after a rainstorm.

At age 33, I have come to fully appreciate the relationship I have with the natural world. Through my recent trekking trips to western Canada, Oregon, and Washington state, I finally found my home amongst the smell of pine trees, misty haze, and snowy mountain views. I felt an overwhelming love for both myself and my planet that I had never experienced before. Filled with hope, I’m currently in the process of moving my career to the Pacific Northwest, dedicating my life to conserving our natural environment.
Without our natural resources, neither I nor any living being would be alive today; our planet provides us with all the tools we need to live a healthy and sustainable life. For years, I had lost my mind within the artificiality of my urban environment, forgetting about the more important world that surrounded it. A lifelong journey later, I found healing and purpose through protecting the world that I love more and more each day.
Caro is a lifelong lover of green spaces and an ambitious nonprofit worker trying to make their big break in the environmental industry. Their professional career has grown across the industries of fine art, science, research, and clinical mental health. Outside of work, they enjoy engaging in nature-based activities, creating artwork, exploring new spaces, and spending time with good company.